Nightmares vs night terrors in children: How to tell the difference and how to respond
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If your child wakes, recognises you, and can describe what scared them, it is a nightmare.
If they seem awake but do not respond and are confused, it is a night terror. -
Most children outgrow them as their sleep matures, often by the teenage years.
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They follow sleep cycles. If your child enters a deep sleep at a similar time each night, this can lead to recurrent night terrors.
You wake up suddenly to the sound of your child screaming. Your heart’s racing before you’re even fully awake. You rush into their room, trying to work out what is happening. They are sitting up, crying, maybe shouting, maybe not even looking at you properly.
You speak to them, and they cling to you, terrified, asking you to stay, or they kind of respond in a strange way like they’ve seen a ghost.
In that moment, it’s really hard to tell what you are dealing with. You just know your child is upset and you want to fix it quickly. This is where so many parents feel unsure. Is this a nightmare, or something else entirely?
One of the most common things I see is confusion between nightmares and night terrors. They can look similar at first, but they are very different and knowing which one you are dealing with completely changes how you should respond.
So what is the difference between a nightmare and a night terror?
Here is the simple way to think about it.
Nightmares
Usually happen in the second half of the night
Your child wakes up fully
They can tell you what scared them
They want comfort and reassurance
Night terrors
Usually happen in the first half of the night
Your child looks awake but is still asleep
They do not respond to you properly
They will not remember it in the morning
The key difference is this:
With nightmares your child is awake and needs you.
With night terrors your child is asleep, even if it does not look like it.
What night terrors can look like
If you have ever seen one, you will know how intense they feel.
Your child might:
Suddenly sit up and scream
Cry or shout
Thrash around or even get up and move around
Have wide eyes but not recognise you
Seem completely distressed but not respond
It can feel like they are awake and terrified. But they are not actually conscious of what is happening.
What to do during a night terror
This is the part that often feels counterintuitive.
Your instinct is to wake them and comfort them. But with night terrors, that tends to make things worse.
Instead:
Stay close and keep them safe
Make sure they cannot hurt themselves, so remove anything that could fall on them or block the exit to stairs etc
Keep your voice calm and minimal
Let the episode pass
Once the episode passes, they’ll settle as quickly as they woke and return to normal sleep as if nothing happened. You can now go back to bed and try to fall back asleep with adrenaline coursing through your veins like you’ve been sprinting for your life!
In the morning, there’s no need to bring it up. They won’t remember it, and although it’s really tempting to talk about it, it can create worry that wasn’t there before.
Why night terrors happen
There is not one single cause, but there are some clear patterns I see again and again.
Common triggers include:
Overtiredness
Big emotions or stress
Sleeping somewhere new
Being unwell or on medication
Family history of sleepwalking or night terrors
Developmental leaps
Overtiredness is a big one. When a child is overtired, their sleep becomes more disrupted, and that is when these episodes are more likely.
If you are unsure about whether your child is going to bed at the right time, check out my blog post on how much sleep your child really needs.
How to reduce night terrors
They are often just a phase that you need to ride out, but it can be worth looking at the bigger picture and seeing whether they’re:
Getting enough sleep overall
Having a consistent bedtime
Having some calm connection before bed
A good tip is that if they happen at the same time most nights, you can try something called wake to sleep:
Gently rouse your child about 15 to 20 minutes before it usually happens (rustle the covers slightly to make them shift in bed, but don’t wake them fully)
The theory is that night terrors happen between sleep cycles, so if you rouse them slightly, they’ll naturally go into a new sleep cycle and stop the night terror from happening.
Do this for a week, and this should hopefully stop the pattern of night terrors from happening again
How are nightmares different to night terrors?
Nightmares are very different, even though they also involve crying in the night.
With a nightmare:
Your child wakes properly
They know you are there
They can often tell you what scared them
They want comfort
This is your cue that they need comfort and support, not space.
How to respond to nightmares
This is where you step in more actively.
Stay with them until they feel calm
Reassure them
Keep things quiet and low stimulation
Help them settle back in their own bed
You do not need long conversations in the middle of the night. Keep it simple and predictable.
With older children, it can help to talk things through during the day if something is bothering them. If your child has a lot of nighttime fears, check out my blog on helping your child to feel confident at night.
Or you can download my guide to Supporting your anxious child at bedtime.
How to reduce nightmares
Again, sometimes it’s just a developmental phase, but it can help to look at the bigger picture to see if there’s anything you can do to help:
Keep bedtime calm and predictable
Give them space to talk about worries earlier in the evening
Be mindful of anything they are watching that might feel scary (sometimes it can seem OK to us, but really scary to them)
Make sure they are not overtired
If you need any help trying to get the bedtime routine a little calmer, check out my Navigating Bedtime Battles Guide.
When to get extra support
In most cases, nightmares and night terrors are a normal part of childhood and will pass with time. But there are some situations where it is worth getting further advice.
You may want to speak to your GP if:
Episodes are happening very frequently and not easing over time
Your child is extremely tired during the day despite getting enough sleep
The episodes are becoming more intense or prolonged
Your child is regularly leaving their bed or putting themselves at risk during a night terror
There are signs of anxiety affecting them during the day, not just at night
Nightmares are very vivid, repetitive, or linked to a specific distressing event
Sleep disruption is significantly impacting your child or the whole family
In most cases, reassurance is all that is needed. But if something does not feel right, it is always okay to get it checked.
If you are dealing with this right now
It can feel really unsettling to watch your child like this, especially with night terrors.
But once you understand what is happening, you can feel more in control of how to respond in a way that supports their sleep rather than disrupting it further.
If you want more support with this, you can:
Read my guide on creating a calm bedtime routine
Download my bedtime scripts for reassurance
Or contact me to discuss whats going on. We can have a free 15 minute call with zero obligation to book anything more.